I have been going through a little struggle in my life, I have been slowly finding out that 5 of my closest friends have lied to me in person on the phone, to and through people. I have been walking around in a daze, going to my hiding place, and asking God-why. I think the closest that has hurt me here in Texas, is my new little brother that I have been hanging tight with since this past march. I always want people to know that I am all about the friendships, relationships and bonding with the boys. I am a very open, honest, and try to be a real-Christ follower, the best that I know how. I guess what I don't understand is why do people have to lie about crap in their life?
The flip side of the coin is that even though I might not have been physically told a fact, my intuition is pretty damn good. I know I live in Dallas, (and hopefully sometime soon that will be changing) but why does life mess with people and time drifts the closest friendships away, when you have always vowed not to let them go, and is just understood that this should be not happening. My heart is hurting, and I don't even want these people to feel like they should tell me, but come on, I already know. So, I ask myself as I lay in bed, why am I left out in the rain, and how many months will it take for my heart to hear it, do I have to wait till Christmas?, if I do, I am not sure this friendship will last.
My friend brought it to my attention that the reason he has lied to me on 3 separate occasions is because he did not want to let me down, or disappointment me. If I had a dollar for every disappointment in my life, I would be ten times wealthier than I already am. I know he looks up to me as a older brother, and wise spiritual influence. "What have I NOT done for you to believe in me, trust me, or prove to you that I am always hear with a listening ear that will not judge you, (like all those other damn Christians out there that judge you before you even get introduced to them)", is what I asked him. He told me, "that I am one of the most intimidating people he has ever met", "are you kidding me, RIGHT?", I looked at him Saturday morning with confusion, and disbelief. So I ask my GM, "am I intimidating?, and she told me, "you are the 2nd most intimidating, next to my boyfriend. If I am, I sure as hell do not know it. I thanked David for bringing it to my attention, and told him, "we both have something to work on", and he said, You bet WE do. Bro, you want me to raise the bar, well Randall I want you to also." Life is always about raising the bar, and striving to reach the mark. I conclude with this...
If your to busy for your closest friends and family to just make a simple 2min call, text message, or email, then you need to stop wasting your pathetic attempt at life to realize you really need to stop and smell the roses and quit letting yourself exercise your excuse that your job is right now your only pathetic attempt to enjoy life. People don't let your friends and family that care about you the most, move on down the road. I guess I am finding out who my true friends really are, be careful it just might surprise you-unfortunately.
peace...
living for an audience of ONE...
No comments:
Post a Comment