Hi, I’m straight. I just want to get that out there. There seems to be some confusion lately. Oh, not on my part, but by others. People are good at making assumptions about my sexual orientation. I’ve known I’ve been straight my whole life. Well, excluding two minutes in high school.
Let me give some background: My senior year of high school I decided to go to college to get a bachelor’s of musical theatre performance. I wanted to be an actor and perform in musicals for my life. I was pretty talented at it. Yet, the rumors at the time were that a lot of gay people did musicals. I didn’t really know any gays in high school. We assumed one kid was so we made fun of him-I painfully regret that. But on this particular day, I was walking down a staircase from a classroom on the third floor to the first; it took about two minutes. While walking down the stairs I started thinking, “Hmm, I wonder if I’ll be gay one day. Since most actors are gay, and I want to be an actor, does that mean I’ll just turn gay sometime?” I debated this down the stairs. Once I reached the bottom of the steps I had this realization: “Wait, no, I’m straight. I won’t be gay.” The end. I’ve been straight ever since.
And so I, as a straight male, worked in a business in which I was a minority. I didn’t mind it really. And through all these years a lot of people have judged my sexual orientation.
While working as an actor the mantra was, “gay until proven straight.” So few straight men in the business, you just assumed everyone was gay. I was fine with that.
When I would go to gay bars with my gay friends it was if I had a neon sign above my head that flashed “Straight! Straight!” I was fine with that.
Now that I am in seminary and seem to be in this weird Christian bubble, people think I’m gay. I not fine with this.
People judging my sexual orientation has never bothered me before. I don’t mind if people think I’m gay, it usually means they think I dress stylish. It’s a compliment. But lately, I have met people who think I’m gay for stupid reasons. And most of these people are Christians. It seems as if people think I’m gay because I dress nice, or because I wear pink, or have a purple wall in my apartment, or because I condition my hair and pluck my eyebrows, or I am comfortable hanging out in a gay bar, or prefer museums to sports. (I know, that does sounds a bit gay)
Since when do we judge a person’s sexual orientation by one’s choice of clothing, or by one’s choice of decorating, or by one’s vanity, or by one’s choice of nightlife? Seriously, why do we do this?
I am getting tired of these assumptions from Christians. Even Christian women I have dated in the last couple years have thought I have been gay prior to knowing me. I’m tired of people making ignorant assumptions based off of social constructs. I’m tired of these gender roles that say men spit, swear and don’t wash themselves or cry, that dirt under their nails and having no sense of fashion is a requirement for masculinity.
So I pluck my eyebrows. Does that make me gay? No, that makes me have really nice eyebrows, stupid. So I condition my hair. Does that make me gay? No, that means I have really nice locks, stupid. So I like purple as a wall color. Does that make me gay? No, that makes my apartment look real nice, stupid.
I really don’t care if you think I’m gay or not. I know I am straight. I know I am a man. My sexual orientation, whether gay or straight, does not make me less of one. Fixing my car and getting greasy or dancing in a ballet does not add or subtract to my masculinity. What you think about whom I sleep with or to whom I am attracted doesn’t matter to me at all. I’m sorry if you’re not secure enough about your own gender identity that you are confused by me, a straight male, who happens to be a little bit of a princess.
What bothers me are you ignorant Christians who make assumptions about my sexual orientation because you have yet to meet a man who is so secure in his identity. And not a gay or straight identity but strictly an identity. I’m sorry if that sounds vain and egotistical, but I’m that secure. Or as one of my friends puts it, “Real men know how to THINK. Any monkey can push, pull and hit things.” And I think, a lot.
Christian, do you really think I’m gay because I wear pink? Do you really think I’m gay because my apartment is clean and nicely decorated? Do you really think I’m gay because I don’t play sports? Do you really think plucking my eyebrows makes me gay? So I’m a bit vain, does that make you think I want to kiss other men? If so, I don’t get you! Maybe it’s because you don’t know any gay people? You need to get out of your Christian bubble and meet some people. Perhaps if some of you actually had a good friend who was gay you wouldn’t make such stupid assumptions.
I was in Thailand last week. Even a Thai woman thought I was gay. (I guess it’s worldwide) She said it was because I was afraid of spiders and didn’t have a girlfriend. So as a joke, a buddy of mine bought me a t-shirt that says, “Sorry ladies, I’m gay!” I am going to wear it.
But Nathan, you’re straight, why would you wear that, you ask? Because gender roles have to change. Because you shouldn’t be judging my sexual orientation by a t-shirt. Because I am so secure as a straight male that I can wear a shirt like that. Because my sexual orientation is not determined by what I wear, drink, eat, or because I prefer to go to art museums rather than play sports. I will wear that shirt as a straight man to prove to the ignorant people out there that humanity in general is more important than a human’s sexual orientation.
I’m off to be a real man. I’m off to think. I’m off to learn. I’m off to read. I’m off to take a shower, and smell nice and look great. I’m off to sing a little. I’m off to have a drink- maybe even an alcoholic one that is pink. I’m off to be sensitive and shed a tear once and a while.
I’m off to be a real man. Sorry if that confuses you.
Posted by Naytin at 12:27 PM
